Observations about The British by an American Tourist

Scott Waters visited England with his family and stayed for few weeks. After returning he made a Facebook post about things that he had observed during his stay. It obviously stuck a chord with a lot of people as it has 10s of thousands of shares and likes.

Here is the list (corrected) which he wrote on his wall:

• Almost everyone is very polite.
• The food is generally outstanding.
• There are no guns.
• There are too many narrow stairs.
• Everything is just a little bit different.
• The pubs close too early.
• Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms.
• You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage.
• Fridges and washing machines are very small.
• Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter.
• People don’t seem to be afraid of their neighbours or the government.
• Everyone has a washing machine, but driers are rare.
• Hot and cold water taps. Remember them?
• Pants are called trousers, underwear is pants and sweaters are jumpers.
• The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling.
• Fanny is a naughty word, so is shag.
• All the signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar.
• There’s no dress code.
• Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open.
• They eat with their forks upside down.
• The English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about their cars.
• They don’t seem to use facecloths or napkins or maybe they’re just less messy than we are.
• The wall sockets all have switches, some don’t do anything.
• There are hardly any police or police cars.
• 5,000 year ago, someone arranged a lot of rocks all over the place, but no one is sure why.
• When you do see the police they seem to be in male & female pairs and often smiling.
• Black people are just people: they didn’t quite do slavery here.
• Everything comes with chips. You put vinegar on them.
• Cookies are biscuits and potato chips are crisps.
• HP sauce is better than ketchup.
• Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot.
• After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food.
• The water controls in showers need detailed instructions.
• They will boil anything.
• People don’t always lock their bikes.
• It’s not unusual to see people dressed differently and speaking different languages.
• Your electronic devices will work fine with just a plug adapter.
• Nearly everyone is better educated then we are.
• If someone buys you a drink you must do the same.
• There are no guns.
• Look right, walk left. Again, look right, walk left. You’re welcome.
• It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand with a little practice. If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American.
• Many of the roads are the size of our pavements.
• There’s no AC.
• Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper.
• Gas is petrol, it costs about $6 a gallon and is sold by the litre.
• If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket. Always.
• You don’t have to tip, really!
• Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries.
• Only 14% of Americans have a passport, almost everyone in the UK does.
• You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built in.
• Walking is the national pastime.
• Their TV looks and sounds much better than ours.
• They took the street signs down during WWII but haven’t put them all back up yet.
• Everyone enjoys a good joke.
• There are no guns.
• Dogs are very well behaved and welcome everywhere.
• You can get on a bus and end up in Paris.
• Everyone knows more about our history then we do.
• Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is good.
• Everything costs the same, but our money is worth less. So, you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you’re paying.
• Beer comes in large, completely filled, actual pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer.
• Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated.
• The beer isn’t warm, each style is served at the proper temperature.
• Cider, which is alcoholic, is quite good.
• Excessive cider consumption can be very painful.
• The universal greeting is Cheers pronounced cheeahz. Unless you are from Cornwall, in which case it’s chairz.
• The money is easy to understand: 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, and 50 pence. £1 and £2 coins. £5, £10, £20, and £50 notes. There are no quarters.
• Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money.
• Cars don’t have bumper stickers.
• Some doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America.
• By law, there are no crappy old cars.
• When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the 1.
• Cake is pudding, ice cream is pudding, anything served for desert is pudding, even pudding.
• Very few people smoke, those who do often roll their own.
• You’re defined by your accent.
• No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is.
• Football is a religion, religion is a sport.
• Europeans dress better than the British, we dress worse.
• The trains work: a three-minute delay is regrettable.
• Drinks don’t come with ice.
• There are far fewer fat English people.
• There are a lot of healthy old folks around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching TV.
• If you’re over 60, you get free TV and free bus and rail passes.
• Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste.
• Every pub seems to have a pet drunk.
• Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it.
• Cake is one of the major food groups.
• Their coffee is mediocre, but the tea is wonderful.
• There are still no guns.
• Towel warmers.

Cheers!