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THE PHONE

Voicemail Greetings

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.

This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don’t wish this call to be recorded or monitored, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

Hello. I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?

Hello. This is Chris. John and Mike aren’t here right now, but if you leave a message, they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.

Hey, guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You guessed it.

I’m not here, so say goodbye, or leave a message, and I’ll reply,

I’m home right now, I’m just screening my calls. So just start talking and if you’re someone I want to speak to I’ll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

I’m out walking my donkey but as soon as I get my ass back in I’ll call you back. Leave me a message.

My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I’ll get back to thee.

Sorry we’re not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you’ll be heard.

This is not an answering machine–this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.